Monday, June 28, 2010
Praise and Censure
Praise and censure have no value in this world of ours. They only rock a person as if in a swing. Praise I have had enough of; showers of censure I have also had to bear; but what avails thinking of them! Let everyone go on doing their own duty unconcerned. When the last moment arrives, praise and blame will be the same to you, to me, and to others. We are here to work, and will have to leave all when the call comes.
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I guess we should all do everything with good intensions and mainly without any expectations. Simply do all because of doing it, not because of pleasing or abusing somebody.
ReplyDeleteExactly my way of thinking. Just be honest about it. Sometimes it comes out as un diplomatic. But its something coming from the heart, with the best of intentions and feelings towards the person.
ReplyDeleteCompliments make people feel good.
And at the same time when criticized it makes them feel bad. But there is also the factor, that when we get critized, we are also feeling ashamed of the actions we kind of missed of ignored. So it gets compounded in terms of feeling bad. But the sooner we learn to accept the fact that are not perfect and we are like everyone else capable of making mistakes.
And we can actually feel ourselves maturing and in control, when we accept that mistake and not let Ego in between to trouble us and then the real purpose of improving from the Criticism is lost.
.... oops, I meant the real purpose of improving from the Criticism is lost if we let our ego take the leadership of our emotions. :)
ReplyDeletecheers and what do you think ?
And yes it feels like abusing when are the receiving end. Its the same as when parents tell their kids in a serious tone. The kid gets angry and offended and sad. But as we grow older we with experience realize that what ever they did was an unselfish act of love with the bigger purpose of protecting us.
There there are people who say things to us with the only purpose of hurting us and making us feel bad. And that one is something we can easily see. Or also sometimes its sick people who want to feel great in a group of people and make fun and criticize us and make us the butt of all their silly jokes. Well those are sick people with very less self worth. They need to put someone down in public to make their small brain feel good.
so I think its best to face the criticism of people who are doing it us with the noble intentions of helping us and out of love for us. I would feel fortunate that I have someone who cares about me, thou their language may not be the most polished and diplomatic. But in the end its the intentions that count.
Well I think that criticising people won't bring any improvement. You can advice or suggest what you would do in particular situation. You have to let the others save face and the only way of improvement is to allow them to realize themselves they did something wrong. Not by criticism.
ReplyDeleteYes saving face is very well applied for public criticism. I would say that it would not be right to do that in public to people we care.
ReplyDeletebut when its between family or friends in private, its just open criticism and dis agreement that is always a suggestion or kind of a friendly advice with the best intentions in mind.
But if even in those circumstance of knowing that they are doing something wrong and they are not understanding it thats bad and rather think who are you to tell me. That is Ego.
thats a sad thing.
Again there comes the point are they having a valid reason or are their suggestions and advice valid and we find it acceptable.
If not we can always tell them why we think its their suggestion/critic/ advice is not valid.
that I think is a better and more mature way of dealing with it.
Allowing others to improve by realizing it. yes I agree, but again there are many ways to that. And one of them is by words of suggestion/critic / advice or from sharing similar experience.
Some people maybe just too focused on something and they tend to ignore the bigger picture or may ignore considering other factors. And its during the time of Suggestion/critic/ advice from other people, they suddenly realize that. so words to help. example is like someone telling us, hey don't go there, its getting dangerour or there is flash flood warning.
ReplyDeleteBut we will only realize that if they are open to understanding what the other person is saying and not let their Ego take over the situation
good discussion.
ReplyDeletekeep it up
Well you forget about the ego of the person who criticises. He wants to show his parent ego by giving advice, but that is showing off and acting superior.
ReplyDeleteParents have Ego towards kids?? since when?
ReplyDeleteNo they have pride towards their kids that is because of the care and love they feel for their kids they say things. Please do not forget the intention, value that over everything else.
Would you rather have some one who cares and tells you or someone who knows you are going to fall and never warns you and just laughs behind your back when you fall down?
That will help us understand. Up to such time as we never know the pain we will tend to be behaving like arrogant teens, then after a few falls we will learn and start having a new respect towards the persons who had told us things with good intentions.
I dont understand the comment about Ego towards kids???
ReplyDeleteParent ego is a part of our ego each of us has and parent ego acts when showing parent status towards someone else, like giving orders, showing strong care...
You are too much in extremes you two.
I think you must be mis interrupting the meaning of word EGO. Ego is all about "I",
ReplyDeleteeg: egotism; conceit; self-importance: Her ego becomes more unbearable each day.
And then I need the latest phone or car or dress, that is ego
What a parent does towards a kid is different not used in terms of Ego.
And when someone does some kind of criticism or shows care for us that is not Ego based.
I don't agree, ego state acts in every communication with human beings.
ReplyDeleteEach person has three levels of ego - parent, adult, child. Each ego state dominates different situation.
I have to agree with Anonymous.
ReplyDeleteEgo is an entirely different word. Many of the religious preachers seem to use the word in the wrong context.
Three is ego in parents , the pride that their children are this and that. And when someone else criticizes their child , their ego is hurt.
But I don't think the ego in someone will cause them to criticize their kids to do good.
If that was the case then we would also be criticizing ourselves and calling it our Ego criticizing us.
I think it has got to do more with the attitude of caring for that persons well being and selflessly suggesting. In fact the ego of the person making the suggestions is lowered. So there is a difference in been caring and EGO coming into the critique.
But if you are trying to get someone to do things the way you suggested and they don't do it. Then your ego is hurt and if you try to force it on them then it becomes an EGO conflict.
Well I won't be explaining it any further. I am not an expert in psychological games, but here you may find what I was talking about:
ReplyDeletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transactional_analysis
Just read it, But that talks about EGO State. Its so different from what I am trying to say about EGO in terms of criticizing . And if someone is more experienced than me and is trying to tell me something, I would rather take it as they are caring and wanting something good for me. Even if its coming from a friend.
ReplyDeleteThe Ego state I understand tries to force you to take up what ever they suggest of order. That I agree is EGO at work. Which usually follows with anger at non compliance to the suggestion.
If the parental EGO is whats driving people to give advice, then all the preachers, Gandhi, Dalai lama and others must be the Biggest egostical people.
But i don't see it that way, I see it as their caring nature to want and do something good to others with their way of thinking.
Then if the parental EGO is whats driving people to give advice, then all the preachers, Gandhi, Dalai lama and others must be the Biggest egostical people.
But i don't see it that way, I see it as their caring nature to want and do something good to others with their way of thinking.
wont be explaining further seems more like a Ego statement.
ReplyDeleteEither accept what I say or I am not going to discuss this. That is parent state of Ego.
Psychology is not a game. It’s considered a study of behavior (human, animal, chemicals, etc)
Well everybody has ego and everybody uses all three types of ego. DalaiLama may use his parent ego for his lectures, but there is nothing wrong in it.
ReplyDeleteEach ego is equal and very important. And also when public speaking it is something else then private situation between two or few people.
I get your point that you mean showing ego in criticising is bad, because it is like showing the superiority towards the other person right?
Basically, I think, you HAVE TO say the person something is wrong, but it depends on HOW you say that.
After reading that article and theory, I have to say that I don't agree with the mixing of words . What I term as care and concern been branded as Ego gives the intention of even suggesting to a good friend something meaningful that I am just sharing my opinon or maybe tell him or her a different way of doing something will give a entirely different meaning.
ReplyDeleteLike I am guilty of EGO behavior.